When it rains it pours

A good friend of mine has a magnet on her refrigerator. It reads: "It all gets better in the end. If it's not better....it's not the end." That could not read more true for me with the last months very difficult, trying times.

The move in itself was quite hectic. I'm happy to say that we are finally settled in but unfortunately have not had time to really enjoy our new home. Then of course our recent trip to Big Bear. If that wasn't enough, I had to make a very hard decision regarding mine and a family member's relationship.
The pregnancy is causing extreme amounts of pain that often leave me flat out on the couch. My MRI is scheduled for next Tuesday but I have to go through a lot of paperwork and talking to the specialists because they try not to do MRI's in pregnancy. Unfortunately the only way I can get one done is during pregnancy or I will not have insurance to cover it. I lose my medical after the baby is born.

Some recent test results showed that I have had a Urinary Tract Infection for over a month now. I had no signs or symptoms but I'm now taking antibiotics to hopefully stop it from getting to my kidneys. Tests also showed I have Group B Strep. Unfortunately I have not been taking care of myself like I should. I'm so exhausted most days and I have no appetite. I'm sure all this has also contributed to my chest cold.

Since the move I have found it to be practically impossible to just stop and relax. Derek has been very busy with work and school which is a blessing. I'm struggling to keep the house together and to take care of Maelynn when I can barely take care of myself. I have been overwhelmed with everything and I have not been able to bond with Madilynn. I'm in my 30th week of pregnancy and can barely find joy in it. I was at a moms group at church on Tuesday and I was very hesitant to mention my feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ungrateful for the blessings we have or to think I don't appreciate my Daughters. I vaguely said how I was doing and two other Moms started talking to me. They told me their stories and they were describing everything I have been feeling. They told me to contact my Midwife ASAP. I called as soon as the meeting was over and she was so happy I called her. I felt ashamed telling her my feelings but she assured me it was very common and that I am suffering from depression. She is now treating me for it. After some research I learned that I have many of the risk factors for depression in pregnancy.

*Chronic illness or pain
*Previous fertility problems
*Unexpected pregnancy
*Complicated pregnancy
*Personal or family history of depression
*Previous pregnancy loss
*Stressful life events

The other concern my Midwife has is pre-term labor. My immune system is so down right now and with the other medical issues (pain, depression, infection) I'm higher risk for it. I'm taking it week by week. My goal right now is to get to 33 weeks. Then once I get there my goal will be 36. After that Madilynn will be fine if she decides to come early.

We have been so blessed to have amazing friends from church who have been very supportive with prayers and encouragement. Derek and Madisyn left yesterday afternoon for a road trip to Colorado. Derek's sister Rachel is graduating High School and they are looking forward to being there. They will be home Monday. Our friends have offered any help I need while they are gone and I have even been given some delicious meals because as we all know....I do not cook. I would just prefer to not eat. Terrible I know. I burn water though. LOL. My friend Niah even showed up with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers! She just had her second baby a few weeks ago so for her to go out of her way to do that means a lot to me.

Today our cousin Rachel is coming down with her babies Luke and Julie to hang out. Maelynn could use the play buddies and I could use the company. One of my best friends' Jacque is coming down and staying for the weekend. She is also pregnant so we intend to plant our pregnant butts on the couch with a ton of junk food and well......be pregnant. I'm sure there will be a lot of complaining and griping and eating and there will be no males around to make fun of us while we compare stretch marks and swollen cankles. Though I do miss Derek and Madisyn tons already.

Maelynn is doing okay. She is teething something terrible. All four molars are being very slow to push through and she has been one ball of crankiness since our move. She also has a cold so we are both just a gooey mess. LOL. I have faith everything is going to get better soon. We continue to keep in prayer and hopefully we can look back on this past month and maybe even find some humor in it or at least realize it wasn't all that bad after all.

Hope this finds everyone well.
God Bless,
Amy