Last night I could not sleep. I must have gotten out of bed 5 times and paced around. The last time I saw the clock it said 1:30am.
6:00am this morning the alarm goes off. I thought for sure I would be too exhausted to climb out of bed but surprisingly I was up quickly. Now it was time to get Madisyn up for her first day of first grade. This would also be her first day at a new school. She seemed excited as she put on her new outfit but I knew she was nervous as she slowly nibbled at her breakfast only eating a few bites, not having much of an appetite; just like her Momma. I brushed her hair remembering how I used to put her hair in piggy tails when she was younger. She says she is too old for that now and prefers a more "popular" hair style. I kind of wish she would have just let me put her hair in "piggies" so she didn't look so grown up.
We leave for school and our neighbor friend gives us the tour and shows us where the bathrooms, cafeteria, office and Madisyn classroom is. We wait outside Madisyn's class and our friend explains what each bell means. The first bell means play in the yard, the second means line up at your class. I'm getting nervous and it feels like I'm starting school. I hate that feeling. I stood there worried about what I was wearing and if my hair looked okay. I realized then I never fully healed from my traumatic school days. I closed my eyes and prayed that Derek and I raised a confident enough child able to stand up for herself, outgoing enough to make good friends, and most of all......make the right decisions. We are no longer there during the day to watch over her as she makes (hopefully healthy) food decisions during lunch or how to treat others, good behaved children or bad. I hope she feels safe enough to stand up to any bullies. She is now completely on her own during the day. I kissed her goodbye thanking God that she is still okay with that form of affection. I wonder how long it will last as I watched other parents with older kids just wave by. No kisses, no hugs.
Madisyn heads into her classroom, pulling along her Tinkerbell backpack on wheels, wearing her new trendy outfit, hair "popular." She glances back and I get a glimpse of my baby crying out for a cuddle behind those beautiful brave eyes.
1st day of 1st grade
1 comments:
So cute! Mikayla started kindergarten two weeks ago and has already had a day where she came home crying. Being a parent is hard, but as my husband says to me all the time, for how concerned you are to be a good parent you will never allow yourself to be what you dont want to be.
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